Last week while vacationing in the Great Smoky Mountains, I was comforted by this view and what the Lord whispered to me. He whispered, "It is all plan B".
Why was this such a comfort? Since I have become a mother I have been fraught with worry, pursued by fear, and plagued by emptiness ~ not the things I expected to confront in this new station in life.
Honestly, I thought I was above fear and worry. As a single woman, instead of these two obvious sins, I had another more potent one that was less visible - pride. I use to believe I was too full of faith to worry or fear. I had been through some rough times and seen God perform miracles for me. I was crass as others struggled. "Just have faith" I would say. Great advice with the wrong heart.
Being married with a little one has rocked this confidence. I feel responsible for people other than myself. My power to control my circumstances has not changed. So where did all my faith go?
I wonder if I chose the right path. I love my husband and my daughter immensely but sometimes I feel ill-equipped to meet the demands of family and that my "mother shoes" are bigger than the feet I have to fill them. Did I choose the life that God had for me? Am I living plan b?
Being in the mountains and seeing the beauty of the wildflowers, hearing the waterfalls and brooks running through the mountains, watching the deer lap up water in the sunlight brought peace to my heart. My husband and I played "If I were a deer, I would want to live in a state park" game. Why? Because the deer we thought would be safe from a hunter there. Only that is not true. There are bears that kill deer. Even here in the beauty of nature, "plan b" rears its ugly head.
That is one of my fears, that I will lose these treasures of husband or child. And since marrying, I have heard of many losing husband and child to traffic accidents, unknown causes, murder, disease, divorce, etc. No amount of faith can assure me that one of these dangers won't happen to me. Everyday I live, I live with the understanding that a bear could come out of the woods and take a gift I hold precious.
I am not the only rebel that has sinned and fallen short and now must live with the consequences of death. All creation is in the throws of this sinful rebellion and expulsion from the garden of Eden. We live in a fallen world. That is fact.
So why was I comforted when God said, "It is all plan b." Because I saw the beauty in this wild world. Traces of the Lord's grace, of His character that cannot be shaken from His creation. His works are wonderful. Not only that but He has given us His son, who was from the beginning and through Him the curse is broken. He has conquered death in his death and resurrection! I can have my confidence back that in Christ, I can conquer death and all the other dangers that are present in the fallen world. I will still have eternal life through Him. He holds all things together. He has not left me hopeless in plan B.
This is not the original song I wanted to post but it serves the same purpose. We sang a new version of "Just as I am" at church Sunday and one of the lyrics talks about the Lord filling up the empty. I love that this song says "the life that I have given you, no one can take away. I have sealed with my spirit, blood, and word. The Everlasting Father has made his covenant with you. It is stronger than the world you have seen and heard. I will be with you everywhere in everything you do. Even if you do it wrong and missed the joy I've planned I will never let go of your hand."
or maybe you connect better with the Sara Grove's song "You cannot lose my love". What great promises we have in Christ! "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23 Plan B may have brought death but because of God's love death is conquered through Jesus. We cannot lose His Love.
